Pain

I once thought the death of my father was the deepest type of pain I would ever feel (knowing of course that this depth of pain would follow again with future familial passings). I accepted at the time of my father's death that the pain would never go away and I would never stop missing him. Well there have been times that I have had that aching type of missing and now is just one of those times.
I recently have had to watch my son become so inconsolable and nearly hysterical with pain (so very young to experience this level of pain). A break up after 4 1/2 years although 80% his choice resulted in unbearable pain for him primarily because of the pain he knows he caused the other party. How do you console an individual whose heart was literally turned into ground round? How do you tell this hurting loved one that the pain will get better (without sounding flippant)? How do you convince this individual that this is probably the best for both parties at this time, even though he feels like maybe he made the biggest mistake of his life? How do you stand by and watch this loved one curl up into the fetal position and know there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to take away the pain, except to hold him, listen to him, and constantly reassure him that you love him and always will?
I don't know how to do all these things. They weren't covered in the "mommy handbook". I may not know how to do these things but what I do know is that my own pain watching my son hurt is only a tiny minuscule part of the excruciating pain he is feeling and I am so helpless to comfort him.
I know that our dear God has a plan for all of us, and in the end he has a remarkable plan for my son because my son is a remarkable man. And I do hope that the old cliche', "this will make you stronger" is more than a cliche' and a fact. I also hope that this degree of pain only happens to an individual once in a lifetime.

It's Just a Day....

Santa has come, the presents are open, tummies are filled, and now it is time to pay all the bills.

Wait that isn't really what Christmas is all about. I learned that better this year than any year ever before. Yes we have done the Christmas Eve candlelight service, and the Advent candles, we have given to the bell ringers of Salvation Army, and all these things are important don't get me wrong. Any time you are reminded of the birth of Christ and the long trek to the stable by Mary and Joseph is important.

What I am talking about is getting down to basics, new life (the birth of Christ), the gathering of loved ones (Mary, Joseph all the wise men etc) and the sharing of peace, comfort and joy.

You see this year our daughter was not able to come home for Christmas. This was the first time in her short 25 years of life. She was saddened, I was saddened, to say the least it was difficult for all. But then as I was trying to console our daughter I began listening to my own words more carefully. You see I kept telling her, "it is just a day". Now those that are very religious may argue with my evaluation but think about it. All the things we are supposed to be celebrating we should actually be doing everyday of our lives. Christmas isn't really about the tree, and the Christmas presents, it is about the love of family, the love of our neighbors, peace and goodwill around the world. We and the retailers are the ones that have commercialized this holiday.

So it really is just a day, one of 365 to love our neighbors, honor our mother and father, Love our Lord God. Perhaps if we really wanted to honor the birth of our Lord we should give a gift everyday of the year, not just December 25th, and as my daughter said in her card that accompanied her gifts to the family, "they were each picked with sincere love". Isn't that in fact what it really is all about and perhaps what God may have intended by having the "Virgin Mary" carry his child?

Personally I am going to take my own words more to heart, it is "just a day" and my New Years resolution is to start making every day, all 365 days of the year Christmas by sharing some measure of peace, joy and love to all I meet and love.

Techno Dizzy

I started this blog about a month ago with the intention that it would be a good place for me to air some of my pent up frustrations. Well, lots of my pent up frustrations. Then I got hooked into this online concept called Facebook. Wow, now there is an experience. I am still trying to fumble my way through the basics let alone anything fancy. Let's see I have learned how to post pictures, that was pretty easy. I haven't learned how to get that little heart thingy in front of my comment that says I am married. It can't really be that hard now can it? I mean everybody seems to have one somewhere on their wall. Oh that is another opportunity. Remember when we were kids and we always got yelled at? "hands off the walls", "don't write on the walls". Well now there is actually a "wall" that you can write on, color on, post pictures to and a whole variety of once determined no no's.

I love learning about my kids friends from high school, how they have grown, what they are doing with their lives, what they have done for the past 6 years. Oh tell me it isn't so... have they really been out of high school that long? It seems like only yesterday. Where does the time go?

Well I am off to master some other quirky thing on facebook before I get so far behind on this nifty techno thinga-ma-jig and they come out with something new that I have to start learning all over again.

Kidlets, Munchkins and Offspring

I am always amazed at how fast time flies the older we get. My nest is empty, C is off to make her fortune in the far off land of Kentucky, and T well he is off to battle the blazes of the countryside in Washington.
They have grown up so fast, studied hard, graduated from college but the hustle and bustle continues as C is in graduate school working on her Master's in Teaching to teach math to middle school students. A big heart and a strong desire to encourage today's youth to see the value of math in their everyday lives. I need to go back to school, I still have a problem understanding how those theorems and story problems help me make a better brownie. Seriously C will make an outstanding teacher, she values the concept of teaching through respect not fear and starting students as successful rather than failures working to achieve success.
On the other side is T. T's goal is to protect hearth, home and person. The ever competitive field of fire fighting is his goal. He has his degree that allows him to outwit (psychology) now he just needs to outplay to gain his place as a career fire fighter.
There is hope for our world to be a smarter place with the teachings of C and a safer place with the protections of T. Now just let their dreams come true.
As parents this is where the tugging of our heartstrings tug the hardest, we would like nothing more than to pave the path for our kidlets, unfortunately all we can do is stand by and be supportive and encouraging while munchkins pursue their dreams.

These rules were made for breaking

And that is just what I'll do, or so some say. I am wondering why we have rules. I mean let's think about this....the rules are ok as long as they work in the favor of those that created the rules right? As soon as the rules don't favor the author then there is an exception.
My man and I raised our munchkins that you obey the rules, they are there for a reason and a rule for one is a rule for all. Unfortunately my munchkins are quickly learning that there is always an exception to the rules but the exceptions only work for everyone else and it is up to those they don't apply to, to figure out when and if an exception applies.
Case in point, curfew... yup that is right, curfew. A residence has a curfew set for the safety of all residents and staff, but along comes a resident that pitches a fit, supervisor bends the curfew even though all staff were instructed that curfew is non-negotiable, well of course except when the supervisor decides to change the rules. There goes any respect and authority the staff have to enforce that rule, right out the window, fly away rule.
I am always in awe at how society seems to think that rules apply to everyone else. This is just one of those challenges I have difficulty explaining to myself let alone my offspring. No life isn't fair but the ground rules have to at least be equal to establish some sense of balance among the inequalities of life right? Let me tell you, if you understand that concept then you certainly have a better grasp on how to follow the "rules" than I do.
Oh bother.....

This Mother Hen Wants Her Chicks Back

So I am sitting here thinking about my munchkins, both out of the house now, living their lives, dreaming their dreams, pulling out their hairs, oh wait those are my hairs!!!! I remember some 27 plus years ago when my husband and I were married and I said to my mother before walking down the aisle, "so this will be nice for you, no more having to worry about me, I will be married", her reply was, "no, now instead of just you to worry about I have you and your husband to worry about." I didn't quite understand that statement at the time, but now as an empty nest mom it really comes home. You see both of my munchkins have honeys (and yes I worry constantly about all 4 of them), while one munchkin, C, lives out of state, she has known her honey for almost 2 years now, and yes I would say they are serious (yes I am comfortable with her choice), my other munchkin, T, lives here in town, works 2 jobs and has known his honey for over 4 years now, I see him nearly as often as I see my munchkin that lives out of state, about twice a year, LOL. Now you say what is taking him so long, well you see he is very practical like his dad (we dated 8 years before we got married), T needed to finish college and now he is trying to save a little before they actually settle down. C's honey wants to marry her but he too is practical and wants to save a bit before they settle down and so he can buy her the ring she wants. Ah yes to be young and practical.... Works for me but you can imagine the 2 girls are saying all right all ready. It is hard to explain to these young but mature munchkins how very fast time does fly and that they have a lifetime ahead of them.
Now both munchkins are actually still trying to get that "ideal" job. T wants to be a career fire fighter, he has been a volunteer since he was 16 and has worked his way up to Lieutenant, but career fire fighting is highly competitive so we wait until that 1 door opens just for him and it WILL open (because it has never experienced the wrath of this mother!!!).
C has worked various jobs using her Psychology degree, research and now a counselor in a crisis shelter. She has realized that since she forever takes her work home with her emotionally that perhaps neither of these are the career for her. So she is on to another avenue, Middle School Math teacher. After scoring nearly perfect on the SAT math test and the GRE math test she has decided she has a fairly good grasp of math (I'll say, her grandfather had her and her brother learning multiplication before the first grade) and the concept of having holidays and summers off with "future children" is a pretty nice plan. So C having been accepted into an accelerated Masters program is going for her teaching certification in middle school math. Hopefully third time is the charm.
It is really hard to watch your child struggle. Whether it is learning to walk, swim or just survive in life. And trust me it seems that society does not want to make the path at all easy for our aspiring adults. It seems like everything is always everyone else's fault and supervisors either won't admit to being wrong or just flat out won't back up their employees even when they follow protocol.
Yes this mother is pulling out her hair. We raise our munchkins to be honest, hard working, and respectful adults only to have them find out just how dishonest, lazy and disrespectful society really can be. Maybe our ancestors were right when the whole extended family lived together, at least then everyone had instant support.
Oh Bother!!!!